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[110208 @ 10:25pm] |
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I really do miss writing on here because it's totally a great way to vent... even if no one will read it. :( Although feel free to read and comment because that's what this whole "live" journal thing is about. If I wanted to vent without anyone reading it, I would have a diary with a lock and key.
Life has been so fucking stressful lately. First of all the obvious school has been tourturing me. I am definitely not used to all of this work. I have had nonstop tests for weeks... it's getting hard to handle. And this is pretty much the peak of it all right here. I'm not sure if I can handle it. Tests plus group projects plus a paper. And group projects are the worst, especially because people are depending on you... that sucks. I don't want other peoples' grades to be my fault. Especially when I can't even handle my own work.
So not only is it school driving me crazy but my family is falling apart. Things have always been kind of bad with my parents, they never really got along,.. but right now shit is really hitting the fan. I'm almost positive they are going to get divorced soon, especially with my mom being as stubborn and selfish as she has been. She doesn't give a fuck if this family falls apart... and it's pretty much her fault that it is happening. My dad has been trying so hard to make it work, and I don't even know why... for what? For a woman who only gives a fuck about herself? She has definitely been smoking too much pot. At first when I found out that my mother smoked pot, I thought it was funny and that my family was just out there... but now I'm starting to realize... that is SO not normal. Not just that she smokes it but how often and the fact that she gets it from her best friend who is a man... not to mention who she told me one time she was in love with and that he was her soulmate. What the hell is going on? How did I not see it coming? And how the hell could she do this to my father... and to me and my brothers??? Apparently my brothers said that they were DONE with her and they didn't care if they lost their relationship with her by letting my dad move into their house. I don't even know how to feel anymore. I don't know what's going to happen and if my parents get divorced I don't know how I'm going to deal with it. They have threatened each other to get divorced before, but it never happened so I just assumed that they would always fight and always say those things but that it would never happen. I guess I was wrong. Things are really shit right now. My parents are also on vacation right now... not to mention with the man who is tearing them apart. I don't think it is his fault, its definitely my mother's, but he is still the reason. I have no idea what is going to happen this week and what the situation will be when they get back, but I doubt it will be pretty.
I also don't know how I'm going to be able to go abroad and not die from the loneliness. I'm so afraid that I'm not going to make any friends and I will just be there alone for 4 months crying myself to sleep every night. I know I should be thinking about going to Australia as a positive thing, but it's hard to get excited when I am scared. I am absolutely frightened. I get homesick when I am at school 30 minutes away from home. I don't even know why I get homesick for a home that is broken... but that's the way it is. I just really hope that I can get past it and have a good time while I am there.... it's too expensive of a trip not to...
I pretty much had panic attacks yesterday over everything that has been bothering. I think Patrick thinks I am crazy. He's the only one who really sees me when I am nuts. I can't control it but I still can't help but feel guilty about putting him through it... I suck. I wish the stress would just lift and fly away... get the hell away from me. Too bad that's life and it will be there for the rest of it.
I am lonely.
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[101508 @ 01:14pm] |
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I really don't want to study. Can I just quit school?
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| long time no write |
[101408 @ 05:15pm] |
Hey everyone. Who is everyone anyway? My real question is, will anyone ever see this entry? I was recently reminded about LiveJournal by Ali... so I guess she will probably read this. But LiveJournal had completely fallen out of my mind. I guess my real purpose of this entry will be to find out if I have any readers, and thus whether or not I will continue to use this. I'm thinkinf of starting up again, but my primary enjoyment of this is to have friends and to keep up with people! None of my real friends whom I physically see use LiveJournal anymore... it's a thing of the past. I guess college kids are too cool for it? I don't know. But I really truely miss having online friends (calling them "online friends" makes it sound really lame and strange) but I miss having people online to talk to whenever I want or whenever I can't talked to anyone else! Unbiased and loving. <3
It's a good thing I still like my profile a lot. I'm pretty sure I've completely forgotten how to use the html, but I kind of want to relearn because it was a lot of fun designing pages. Too bad facebook is where everyone has traveled, and they don't even allow you to customize your page! In fact they have ruined it from making it the "new" aka retarded facebook... so maybe that can be another reason for going back to LiveJournal... because facebook has taken a turn for the worst.
Well... honestly I just want people to let me know if they are still out there listening to my ranting. It has been over three years, but I think that it would be nice to pick up on this again. LiveJournal has changed so much! I can even format my text! I have obviously been having some fun with that.
Hopefully someone is out there!
Love,
Alyson
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[061905 @ 07:55pm] |
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boys night out |
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It's been awhile. I don't know where to start. Should I start from where I left off or just talk about recent stuff? How about just today.
Well it's Father's Day. I didn't really spend it with my dad. Nicole doesn't have a dad around so we hung out today. We went to Rio and saw Batman, which was pretty good. I wasn't expecting anything special but I enjoyed it. I had to pee the entire time and refused to get up, so I guess that's a good sign. Then we went to Kohls and she was bored while I picked out a couple shirts. I need some summer clothes. I want to go to Urban Outfitters as soon as POSSIBLE. Which actually might not be for awhile. I leave for National Festival in college park on Tuesday which is for Drama.. we're performing our show on Wednesday. GUYS AND DOLLS....woohoo. By the way that show sucks so never see it unless it's the one I'm in, haha. Yesterday I went to see Lindsay's show The Scarlet Pimpernel which was AMAZING, it was so great. Those kids are all so talented it's crazy. Oh so it doesn't stop after Festival. THEN.. I think I'm going up to Canada, FINALLY! I really want to go to Montreal to check out McGill because that's where I want to go to college. I figure I should college visit first though because I have to know for sure I'll like it if I apply. But the thing is my parents want to go to Niagara Falls first and that's closer to Toronto than Montreal so they want to go to Toronto instead. WHICH would be awesome anyway.. because Toronto is where Degrassi is filmed, haha.. and it's still Canada. But I wouldn't be able to check out McGill which would suck. And that's my future so it's pretty important. All of this Canada stuff is replacing a trip to Amsterdam because both of my brothers will be there.. which I would rather do more than anything. But the tickets are extremely expensive so that sucks.
Okay so I don't even think anyone reads this anymore... I have like no Live Journal friends anymore.. and everyone switched to Xanga because they're all TREND followers. So I'm pretty much writing this for nothing. Peace out.
<3,Alyson.
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[043005 @ 01:53am] |
Wow.. I never use this thing anymore. Like, ever. I even took it out of my profile so I'm pretty sure no one goes to it anymore either. Hmm. Well all I can say is that life is so much better than it used to be. Honestly, words can't describe how happy I've been lately. That's probably why I don't use this live journal anymore. I used to just write about how depressed I was and how much my life sucked and yadda yadda ect. But now that I have nothing to complain about, I also have nothing to write about either. But yeah I think that I got rid of the thing that was holding me back from making friends all my life. I won't name names.. but now that this person is completely out of my life I've been able to move on and branch out. I'm in the musical at school and I've met so many people from that experience, and I've also been able to bond more with the ones that I already knew. I've gotten a lot closer with my best friend Jenny and also made a lot of other amazing friends. I'm so glad that things have finally started to look up for me. I'm having a lot more fun with everything, and just life in general. The show is so much fun, even though it's tedious and extremely tiring sometimes, it's an awesome bonding time with so many cool people. And it's almost summer. This is going to be my first summer since 3rd grade that I have been home the entire time without camp or Israel trips. Wowww it's going to be amazing. So many fun things to look forward to this summer, and the best part is that when we come back it will be my SENIOR YEAR!!! JESUS CHRIST. Time flies so fucking fast it's insane. I just can't wait until next week is over with these shows and my AP tests and such which I haven't studied for in the least bit. Stressfulllllll. It's okay I'm over it. Well, it has been pretty weird writing in this live journal. I don't even know why I did it. It's 2:00 AM and I Just got back from a cast party after the show tonight. I guess I just wanted to write down in words how happy I am to make it official, hehe. I love and miss you Live Journal people who actually used to read my journal which was awesome of you. Comments or no comments, I still know you exist! :)
<33,Alyson.
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[020105 @ 10:30pm] |
One more car accident and my life is over.
I'm shooting myself through the mouth, it's a guarenteed death.
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[011805 @ 01:48pm] |
Exams suck a lot. But Codie is my life.
That is all.
<3,Alyson.
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| My little secret.. mwuahah |
[011305 @ 09:20pm] |
So I recently discovered The Academy Is a.k.a. the most amazing band ever in the history of music. Well, they're not that amazing but you get the point. And they sound slightly like TBS only like 800 times BETTER. So basically, since TBS is really gay and all "we get into arguments because we're 12 and split into two absolutely terrible bands instead of staying the old amazing one band"... The Academy Is is (is is?) my new TBS REPLACEMENT. Yes, I said it. RE-PLACE-MENT.<3
Don't tell anyone. Because maybe some day people will realize that I'm right about TBS sucking and The Academy Is being the better band. SHIT!
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[011205 @ 10:26pm] |
This'll be short and sweet since I'm not big on updating so much anymore.
Well, after months of wondering whether Leah actually took notice of our ended friendship or not... she wrote in her journal about how much she missed me and felt, how do you say it, left in the dark about why it had happened.
A lot of shit went through my mind, like whether or not I had made the right choice or if I should try to make things right. Well I commented to her journal kind of spilling my brains out beacuse I think that one of us needed to say something to the other... just to get things out there. Well, now things are out there. And now I don't know. Am I glad that this subject was brought up again? Am I dissapointed?
Who the FUCK knows what I'm feelng right now. If I don't know then no one ever will.
I guess I just figured that it was over and that was that because Leah always seems so satisfied with her life after she replaces the old with the new. But when she actually notices that she misses the people that she's left behind..... that's saying something.
To me.. that's just a change to me. And I guess I'll just see if anything comes of this.
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[010905 @ 05:54pm] |
So I should probably start writing in this thing again, eh?
But where to begin... life is just passing by me.
Well I gave up a chance to meet the love of my life- Jake Epstein from Degrassi. And the whole thought of Winter Seminar made me think about how much I miss Mosh and so now I'm thinking about going back this year. I mean the only thing holding me back is that it's 8 weeks and that's my entire summer. But it will be my absolute last summer with Habonim Dror... it's something that will take some time thinking about.
I love my new job. I love the people and they treat me so much better than LEDOS ever did. And I make more money and I don't have to work as often... which isn't always a good thing. Like, I'm not scheduled to work for the next 3 weeks, but I wish I was. I hope that I can become a hostess after the winter season of coat checking because otherwise I'm going to be left without a job! :(
Well my MOTHER needs the computer so I'm going to end it short for now.
<3,Alyson.
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[010305 @ 05:43pm] |
2004 has not been too friendly to me.
Perhaps 2005 will be kind.
Please?
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[111604 @ 02:34pm] |
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Okayyyy Jenna. Gosh. I'll write a new one.
But oh so much has happened.
Well I've pretty much just been busy with school and such lately. My parents went to Mexico last Thursday and just got back last night. My brother came home for the weekend.. fun times. I miss him already! We went to dinner with his girlfriend on Thursday at Hamburger Hamlet and then we saw "SAW" the movie... wow. That's all I can say is WOW. Amazing movie, go see it if you haven't.
Friday at Sherwood was a little concert thing with 5 local bands... one of which is my friends' band. About Silence. Go check them out because they are really good. Not kidding. If they were complete strangers to me I would still love their music. www.purevolume.com/aboutsilence
GOOOOOOOOOOOOoooo to it.
I've seen them 3 times in concert already... woohoo. And going on 4 in December. So anyway, yeah. I no longer have a job, which is actually not as bad as I thought it'd be. I have way more free time and I don't have to dedicate my life to that shithole they call Ledos. I may be getting a new job though, at Brookville Inn. This really nice expensive restaurant, therefore I will be making the big bucks. The owner dude (who my dad used to work with) said that COAT CHECK girls make like 75-80 bucks a night. Wowzahhh.. I didn't make that much waiting tables. So yeah he told me to call next week and that will be nice to get a new job and make more money than I was beforeeeeeee.
My grandma took me shopping as my birthday present on Saturday. I got a dressss for my cousin's Bat Mitzvah which is in December. And it's SO nice so I think I'm going to wear it to Prom too. I don't want it to go to waste. The only problem is that I need a date for Prom. Yes that's an extreme problem.. where the hell am I going to find a date? Sighh. If anyone wants to go to Prom with me just letttttt me know. Haha. I also got some stuff from PacSun; a sweatshirt, jeans, a shirt, and a cutee belt.
So yeah that's about all. Nothing much happens in my life and that's why I never update!!! YEAH JENNA. Gosh. it's not my fault that my life is so extremely uneventful. It's yours! Haha just kiddingg..
Okay I love you bye.
<3,Alyson.
P.S. That Taking Bakc Sunday concert at the school thing is TODAY and guess what? It's not at my school. :( Some lame-o private school in B-more won. Gosh.
And now I'm going to go take a niice loong nap.
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| Here's to the emo in life. |
[110104 @ 04:00pm] |
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Brand New - Moshi Moshi |
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Remember when I said I was putting in my two weeks Tuesday? I LIED. I did it on Saturday! The sooner I'm out of that job, the better. I hate it. I had to close last night, yes Halloween, it was such bullshit. There was a rush for about an hour.. it was like 4:30 to 5:30. Everyone who wasn't closing left by like 7:30 because it was so slow. So Linley and I were there for 3 more hours like by ourselves. There was like 2 orders at a time the rest of the night. We should have closed early, but no of course not. I have to lose my entire Halloween night to work. So glad I'm QUITTINGGG. I HATE THAT PLACE.
On a lighter note.. heh. I went to the ASXXXXX show on Saturday night with all the boyeeees. Jenna and I went over to Lukes house at about 5 for band practice. Then we migrated in 6 cars to the show. They are simply amazing. If they weren't.. them, I would still love their music. It's so good. I want a CD!! And I want them to play at my birthday partyy! :( But I can't get an answer so boo. But yeah it was really fun and afterwards I was POOPED so I just went to bed.
Today Jenna, Sarah, and I went all over and took pictures for our photography projects. I got a lot accomplished. Now I'm bored as CRAP and I realize I have so much homework to do but I don't feel like it. So I'm just going to sit here all alone the rest of the night. :/
Jenna and I are going to make ASX tee-shirts. IF YOU WANT ONE LET ME KNOW! They're going to be beautiful and we'll sell them to raise money for the A.S.X-uals so that they can record a full CD or something awesome like that. Dudummmmm. Okay.
I'm bored with life. Nothing too exciting ever happens...
<3,alyson.
ETJJPWEOTMEWKLRM:W!
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[102904 @ 03:26pm] |
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TODAY IS MY MOTHERFUCKING BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!
YAYYY, SIXTEEN FINALLY.
I got so many baked goods today in school, and a present from Sammy that was so cute and I loved it! Thanks to everyonee who made my day wonderful... so far. Going to dinner tonight with the familyy. YAY.
</big>
P.S. Official day of my drivers license if I get it: DECEMBER 18.
P.P.S. I'm quitting my job and putting in my two weeks on Tuesday if things don't look up from now til then.
<3333333ALYSON!!!
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[102604 @ 02:51pm] |
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Hello. Umm so I hate my job. And I'm thinking about quitting. But I'm also thinking about waiting until I get my license in December to quit. So I think I'll do that. I'm just completely sick of all the shit they put me through. No one likes it there! They all just stay because they "like the people." Ughh I could complain for hours about my job but there's no use in that.
So yeah guess what???
My birthday is in THREEEEEEE days!!!!!
I'm really excited, actually. Finally 16. Sigh I feel so young. Everyone will be turning 17 soon. But JESSUSS that sounds so old!!
Birthday party at my house on Friday, November 5th. Everyone is welcome...unless I have no idea who you are.
THIS Friday, ON my birthday, the fammm and I are going out to dinner, I don't know where, but yummyyy..
I was going to have my birthday party on Saturday but, surprise surprise! I'm working.. a double. Meaning 10:30 to 9. Death. And then on Halloween I'm working too and I'm SO pissed. I wanted to go trick-or-treating. Hopefully I can still do it and get someone to work for me.
Also I have a dilemma. On November 19th... should I:
A) Go to NYC to visit my brother and see Boys Night Out and Gym Class Heroes in concert
or:
B) Go to the beach for the weekend with my family bceause I haven't been to the beach in forever and a day!
I'll take votes.
Speaking of voting. If you're 18 or older and contributing one vote to Bush, we're no longer friends nor on speaking terms.
Sikee but you GET IT... GOT IT? Grr.
OH YEAH HOW COULD I FORGET.
DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE WAS AMAZING!!!
Honestly the best night of my life. Best concert of my life. Best birthday present of my life. ETCETERA. I'm in love with them, esp. Benny Boo Gibbard.<333 I was right in front standing directly under Chris Walla's beauty.<333!! And took oh so many pics so they will be up in just a matter of time. (don't believe me, I'm lazy.) I got a shirt, a poster, and a sticker which is going on my Dad's/my carrrr. YEAH the volvo is going to be PIIIMPP.
Okay I am finished for now.
<33333Alyson.
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[102104 @ 05:52pm] |
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I just saw Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
I've never seen anything that scary in my entire life. Right afterwards I was like tearing up and I felt nauseous. I was shaking the entire movie and I still am.
OH MY GOD. I like most scary movies... but that...
..that's just plain WRONG.
I'm never going to sleep at night.
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[101904 @ 03:08pm] |
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Death Cab - Hindsight |
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It has been quite a long time.
But life is boring and I meant, honestly, what could I possibly say to be interesting slash any different from anyone else. We all go to school every single day and we all know nothing eventful happens.
Well except today hahhh. In English my teacher was like "Uhh Alyson we got a package for you..." and I was like whaaatttt and it turned out it was from the Taking Back Sunday contest thing. What was inside? Posters and flyers GALORE. Like literally 50000 of them. BUt I Mean it's only a LITTLE late considering there are about 5 days until the contest ends. ANd I had to carry it around the rest of the day and it weighed about 70 pounds. My arm is still like shaking and num from it haha. But it was still really funny.
I'M SEEING DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE IN FOUR FUCKING DAYS! Do you know how excited I am? No, you couldn't POSSIBLY know how excitd I am. OH MY GOD... I'm so excited. And I'm also going to see My Chemical ROmance, Story of the Year, Letterkills, and Autopilot Off with Fred. I suppose some things in life are exciting..
My birthday is also in TEN days. It doesn't feel like it. Wow 16 sounds so old. But it's definitely not... at all. I still don't know what I'm going to do. I might just have a party/a few people over since I don't have many friends: On the 30th. We'll see. YOU SHOULD COME.
Okay I have to go to work at 4:00. :( There goes that homework idea.
Peaaceee.
<3,Alyson.
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| ATTENTION: IF YOU GO TO MAGRUDER HIGH SCHOOL READ THIS ENTRY! |
[092204 @ 10:31pm] |
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DEATH CAB - Debate Exposes Doubt. |
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Haha... okay. So I'm signing my school up for this contest where if you win, Taking Back Sunday plays a free show at your school. You need a sponsor so I asked my principal today and he said we could do it. He's signing the paper and then I'm registering us tomorrow! So if you liek Taking Back Sunday... or even if you don't... and you go to Magruder, PLEASE do me the biggest favor of your life. Tomorrow after school, go to http://www.boostmobilerock.com/main.html Enter your birthday, and click submit. Then click on "washington, dc" and then find our school on the list of schools entered in the contest. If you don't see it there then try again later because it might mean that the registration hasn't gone through yet. Fill out the information and submit your entry. Each submission counts as one point for our school and the school with the most points wins the concert! You can also get additional points for the school by 'creatively putting the boost mobile logo on your gear and taking a picture of it.' If you can contribute any bit please do. It would be amazing to win this thing.
WOW. And there are only two other schools from the DC area that are registered so it won't even be hard to win. Blah.
/END advertisement.
I'm waiting tables at work tomorrow! Everyone come see me so I can be your waitress and you can give me a good tip haha. <3
I got my hair cut today. It's so short. And she dried it straight and I don't really like it straight when it's short. But ohhh well. AND I REALLY WANT TO GET TO THE LIBRARY SOON BUT I HAVEN'T HAD THE CHANCE YET! :( I need my license.......
Ummm ok nothing else to say really I'll update more tomorrow.
♥Alyson♥
P.S. What's with the new updating layout? It's weird.
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[091804 @ 05:08pm] |
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some band called gametime... theyre not very good. |
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It was like a work sleepover last night. I originally went to Jackie's to spend the night but we ended up at Laura's with Liz, Stacey, Katie T., and Katie G. They were drinking and smoking and I started to.. drank about a quarter of a beer and then fell asleep. I'm such a geek. :/
But whatev. We had our work meeting in the morning at 9:00 and everyone felt like shit except for me, haha. Then traditionally we all went to breakfast at B.J.Pumpernickels. It was alright. I mean nothing's ever really fun these days. Not for me. I'm always down and it's going to take a lot to change that.
I was supposed to hang out with Codie today. But she got grounded... I know that from reading her Xanga. She didn't call me and tell me that she couldn't hang out. Didn't say a word to me so now I'm left at home doing absolutely nothing. We were plannign to go shopping and everything. Why does everyone feel like they need to treat me like shit? Everyone. This is fucking bullshit. Do I really not matter at all to anyone?
It's really unfair having no friends when everyone else does. Honestly.. what did I do to deserve what I'm going through? Leah is hanging out with Alyssia. I'm the one who brought them back together in the first place and now I don't have either of them. This is what happened last time... Leah became best friends with Alyssia and replaced me. This time it is a little different because it's my fault I'm not friends with Leah. But I still feel ridiculously horrible for having no fucking friends all the time.
WHAT.THE.FUCK.
What am I supposed to do??????
<3,Alyson. :(
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| YES. |
[091604 @ 02:05pm] |
I AM OFFICIALLY GOING TO BE AT THE DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE CONCERT AT THE 9:30 CLUB ON OCTOBER 23RD!!!!!
I guess some things in life are okay...
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dothejew's journal